I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
