3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
