Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Farmville is her only friend.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
