dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
