A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
