If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Randomize
