Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
