i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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