i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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