i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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