You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
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