my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
