oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
