Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
