..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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