This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
