It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
