I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
