i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
