ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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