If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I intend to get homeless drunk
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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