i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
In other news, I just burned my penis
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
