I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
