She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
