Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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