woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
