please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
