i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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