I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
