R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
