I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
