Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
you would pick up someone in the library
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
