I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
