nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Send help, water and tortillas.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
