this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
