it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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