seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
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We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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