Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
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Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
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I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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