dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
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what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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