Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
