Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
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Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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