shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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