i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
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Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just high enough for therapy.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
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Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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