are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
