I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Someone shit on the floor
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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