her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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