ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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