You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
