Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
