I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
