i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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