Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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