The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
