apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
