cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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