dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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