i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize