i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Damn victory sex feels great
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
