i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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