All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
