May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
