i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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