apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
