I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
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Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
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He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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