The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
