I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
