Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
